After the storm A strange and unaccustomed silence reigns. But in that dreadful quiet Something is learned, When love is burned Only ashes remain. I remember how it shone How it warmed me. I know where I came from, I know what I became. The future, Not given for man to know. All this self reflection Easily leads to introspection Where the mind becomes a prison. And the pattern of a thousand thoughts Get caught In an endless loop.
I was on my way to the doctors wearing only my underpants as I was expecting to be examined. I stepped into the lift, but stopped at the wrong floor. I asked someone where the clinic was but didn’t get an answer, so I left. Next thing I am on a bus, still in my pants, heading home. I sat next to a black man and the bus was pretty full. He said his friend had the cancer and went on to describe it as three wolves circling a man. The first wolf was the most terrifying as he brought the news that you had it and there was no escape. The second wolf would calm you down and would tell you to accept the situation you find yourself in. The third wolf could teach you to forget all your fears and they would blow away like leaves in autumn.
Did you ever feel like this, When you get pissed off At every word they say? So you pray They would just go away, Leave you alone; But the phone It rings incessantly, So you answer But the words Choke in your throat. You can deliver But remember Who you really are.
I chose a life less worthy. Don’t think again. Put my finger to your lips Don’t lie again. Can’t we just begin Again? Not really sure. Some thing’s lay forgotten And blister on the floor. In sunlight.
For all the women I never had When I tried to impress. For the love I gave And the love I had That never seemed to last. For the drugs and booze when I went too far A creature of excess. For the life I built And almost wrecked Yet built again from scratch. For the money I made And the lifestyle You cannot beat the cash. For the pressure I took, Common coal to diamond That just will not wash. For all the friends That I let down When they all went west. For I was just a man. Racked with doubt. Did i do my best?
I searched for such a long time. Was the hope of love fading Like the closing of the day? Or had it just begun, A fire that cannot die. I had been in love before, But never like this. One rapturous kiss Immediate connection. We had never met. And without explanation. All my thinking Meant nothing In the moments we shared. The tingle down my spine So much, so much I wanted her to be mine.
I took refuge In your heart. From a world That sometimes didn’t get me Or simply couldn’t see What I was all about. No matter how I shouted, I was never heard, So I didn’t speak a word, But now I have a voice. This was all my choice And I came back Full knowing what I lack. Trying to do better. What it took, no matter. I don’t take this for granted. Hard fought, but what I wanted. The life I left behind Now memory But has a haunting melody. A sirens call cross oceans vast, So I am now tied to the mast.
A half light. Neither morning or night Fills my room. Thoughts come unbidden And ideas hidden In the recess of my mind. Now free, They wander, Wraith like. Ephemeral, formless Often incoherent. But sometimes, sometimes They stick, take shape And remain. They drag me from my bed Once again To the page.
Even when I got sober I knew it was over. You didn’t have to go Behind my back. I would have understood. I wondered how you could, But that’s enough of that. Your not coming back, That’s just a fact. I wear it like a shirt I once had. So I bought new clothes, Getting ready to move on. Leave the past a memory Of what we once had, But now its all gone. You say your guys amazing, He aint crazy like me, If you just wanted normality I guess you got it. Our love was now broken, Just like the token promise I would never use again, But you think I will. So I walk and walk And the sun beats down. The air shimmers before me And all sound fades away, While the street closes in And I try to begin. Words drip from my pen Like the blood ink within, But where do they end?
She was more than lips and eyes, A certain sadness perhaps I could repair, But our exchange on the stair Told of something else. She didn’t need me. Yes, she had a comic book beauty. To want a woman so much Hurts the guts. She sticks in the mind, Draws you in, You’re not sure Where it begins. Looking for a reason, But you don’t know why, She had you down to a”T”. You think you’re smart, But you just know more tricks than me. What a prick you were, And I can be objective, Irrespective of consequence. She loved you! What was wrong with you? Where you waiting for something else? You barely knew yourself? But now you know, A seed planted Will always grow.
Would you have me dancing with no one? No communication, or emotion. Beauty repeats like flowers in spring. I have only one thing In mind. A kind expression, And so it grows From there. Once the bareness Of despair. The shoots of hope, Happiness and love Spring through. These I pursue With every fibre.
Is this an olive branch I see, Or some barbed stick to beat me? Not seeking an apology that once, You gave so freely. The viciousness of your attack, Would break the back of lesser men, But I am made of more. The crown for hurting, And the OBE, Well won, Fair play, But they are yours. Perhaps they open doors, But not mine anymore. I think you’re better than that. Maybe not. Maybe I was wrong all along, But I do know you once shone. Take care with that knife you got. The sharpest steel Draws most blood. You cut me deep. I guess I healed.
Listen up, word up hear the call Not a day goes by How and why We ever happened at all You are never on your own Always on the telephone Young men by my pool Tennis coach and fitness trainer There is nothing plainer Drinking all my booze Ten pairs of jimmy choos Armani and Fendi clothes All purchased at Bon Marché Made you happy for a day Accused of intellectual arrogance I don’t get the rhetoric I want to lose the epithet Or I may lose my balance Yes, I was smart Had to be How else would I survive. But you still don’t get it It didn’t fall like Mana from heaven There were no lies I was always present You never worked a day Since you met me Said you couldn’t compete Well, do something else Meeting guys on writing courses Were these the only choices So, died my hair went underground Somewhere I, could not be found Never made a sound That’s how it was for me Bohemian insanity Led me to follow Another's arms and neck And to the sacred hollow What the heck She was not for me Yes, I wasted time If that’s a crime I’ll come quietly
Magnify, sanctify, Hallowed be thy name. Did you stand beside me, As I looked for fame? No one held my hand, So I am just the same. I came asking, Now I take the shame. You came looking for me, But you have no claim. So many moons have gone. I see them wax and wane, But truth, truth, Not hard to explain. My duty to memory, Always remains.
Did you ever meet a girl, You wanted so much, But the structure of your mouth, Felt crushed, Tongue tied? You cannot speak to her, You have nothing to hide, But something to say. It ain't gonna reach her, Your world falls away. You seek her. Don’t go looking, You look like a stalker, Try again. If its meant to be, Maybe one day, You will meet her.
Sordid details won't go away. Try to kill them, But they stay. You can't run and hide, They hunt you down. You never lied. I know you tried. Now its all gone. What of his poor son? I will not get derailed By this again. Enough, now it's done.
Thoughts whisper, Through his mind. The air feels strange. The room so quiet, And so he stares. Hacks around ideas, He doesn’t like. Pages on the floor, Only fit for fire. Takes another look. Is there any pattern here? Gets up from the sofa. Wades through reams of paper. Sees himself in the mirror. Gaunt, haggard, thin, Not slept in days. A ghost looks back at him, So he turns away. Try’s to write again.
The ruptured structure, Of our lives, Denies, The truth. If you want proof, A heart so broken Can't be put back together, Unless someone, Picks it up, Walks with it, Runs with it, To fields of rapture.
Happiness, step on my mind. Take liberties, Where I find, But not with you. Stew me out, I can handle it. Show me the door, As I kiss you, J'adore. I got more, Than this. Don’t take the piss. So, took a trip to Palestine, When I kind of lost my mind. I saw hatred, Bite the hook, Take a look, It really sucks. I don’t rhyme for pleasure, But political rhetoric, In equal strength and measure. Kodachrome, black and white, All magic in the neon home.
No idea where I take this don’t want to share. Mental illness, Is not a disease, But please me, Don’t walk away, From me Sometimes I think stoically, You can burn the past. It won't last. Will always bite you in the ass. Memories forgiven, Driven by, What you think you did. You did nothing.
Poetry, Is not ballet. Daggers drawn, Before the dawn Appears. No choreography, Here. If you really want, You will pay in tears. We measure, Each one. Seems you are debit, My son. Begone! No, stop. Listen. You can get this done, And when it’s all gone, Just an afterthought, As if life taught, Nothing.