The hour is dark. Your door was open, I flew in. I have a message for you. You are much bigger than I thought, A stark reminder. Memory is imperfect. And don’t forget your childhood, It plays out like a film you stood And watched. How did it end? I can't remember, Let's switch this around. Were you happy or sad? I despise both emotions. But you can be hurt? This took some time Explosions in my head Cascading like some unspoken dread.
I went outside And cried. His imperious look Took me off my stride. What are you doing here? Nothing, I promise. You compromise yourself At every move. This is my night Remove your person Unless you would kill with me? I am not certain You can.
How did you feel? Rejected, neglected? I am not sure, I hurt my back I guess. We are not talking of the physical, Your issues are mental; You think I am insane? No, no, calm down, We don’t make judgements. Then why are we here? You are the one in the straight jacket. I don’t believe what they say about you, I think we could use you. Forget CIA or MI5, We need deep cover And you are the best. Get it off your chest, Your journey is rare Dare I say, unique. Release me. No, you are a dangerous violent man. I never harmed anyone. We looked in your head Now, will you work with us? If I can. I said forget about the woman. But I fell in love. Then fall out! The equation balances, Your chance is overcome By impossible expectations. Maybe that’s the explanation For your serial failure In these situations. Pay no heed, That’s not why you are here; You have heightened Senses, More animal than man. So what am I? You decide, We don’t care, But there is something in you That collides. Like a planet or some shit? Much much bigger, Here's a gun, pull the trigger. I would never do that. I hear you snigger. You can see the rage I am in so don’t tempt me, Don’t exempt the possibility.
I found myself strapped to a gurney. Why am I here? He spurned my question, waved it away. We have taken samples. Samples of what? Everything you’ve got. Did you find anything? Nothing springs to mind. Except, except Your blood type we cannot find. What? What? This is serious, Its mixed with something mysterious. We have never seen the like before. I think you are a hybrid. Maybe that’s why you can't score. This is not about sex. I state it plain and simple kid: You are alien We tolerate you Mike down!
Love fell through my hands like desert sands. I looked for guidance, There was none. Then good riddance, Desperate child. The sun came out, Warmed and kissed my face. What is the matter? Would you shatter my illusions of place? That happened years ago. Look at you, Look at you now! I ain't broken, I bow to no man, Yet you are on your knees Think about that.
I awoke, the tears that I shed in my sleep Crusted my eyes. I brushed them aside. Deep in my room I heard a voice say This is the day! The day? We both know So that’s who you are Correct. Now show some respect I am not ready to go yet. That’s up to you There are ways out of here What must I do? I will say it again That’s up to you If you want to know You must give me something. I have money. Shook his head, that’s just a thing In your world, not mine My body Fuck's sake no There is more value here What? Do you have a soul? I am not sure Give me what you got Then he dissapeared.
You can die in a courtroom; No bloom in your face What can erase The chase you find so important. And so you rant, Like a p*issed up tramp. No lamp lights your way. Oh, I tell a lie Come by and sit with me, Just a moment of your time. Speak loudly, I am a bit deaf. A bit death? Said I. No, they sound similar; I am familiar with your case. I suggest you brace yourself. I have news, none of it good I'm afraid. So I delayed telling you, Why? I hate to be the bearer of sad tidings.
Many have been written, I see them all as folly. I lack the prerequisite to dolly daydream; No peace lies therein. Pursue the truth and begin Again. This is no template for peace, Give me some grace. I am but a novice, I care not, a familiar refrain. Your childish pleas mean nothing! I don’t disdain your character or sense of place But you are one fucked up dude. I don’t wish to be rude. Tell me something I don’t know. You can't face the truth of yourself.
I miss you most when evening falls And the night closes in, Darkness calls. It is the voice of the lonely And darker thoughts begin. I look for meaning And find only You. I look around my room. You made my life real. I feel I could walk through the walls; I could be anywhere, any time So insubstantial seems my world. “How long doctor?” ”Perhaps two years.” “What about a transplant?” “Unlikely with your record.” Friends and family are kind and loving But only I know the cost Of what I lost. You.
Dreams come unbidden. Hidden and unguarded thoughts Taught with expectation. Revelation of the inner soul? Perhaps. I rode my horse hard, back to the house, Bringing forth snorts of protest from the beast. My anger at that infernal woman beat heavy in my breast. I would have it out with her once and for all and bugger the outcome. The sarcastic smile, the withering look that cut like a rapier. The stony silence when spoken to I would have no more of. I had come to hate what once I cherished so, so dearly. I flew through the gates, dismounted, Handing the animal over to the stable lad. He looked a little nervous. I paid him no heed. I stormed up to the front doors to be met By a panicked footman. “What’s the matter man?” “Sir, sir take great care” he was almost in tears. “The lady has armed herself and Has told the servants she means to kill you” he blubbered. “Armed with what?” I asked “y..y…, your duelling pistols sir” he stammered in his frenzy. I began to regret the night I showed her how to load them. We had played a game pretending to be highway men, Chasing each other round the house in eye masks and tricorn hats. The winner was the one able to sneak up And press the muzzle against the others back without detection. She, being so light on her feet, pressed home her advantage, Winning to her obvious delight. I revealed the secrets Of the firearm to her and later she revealed her secrets to me. Happier days. That it should come to this. I held the cowering footman by the shoulders. “Has the lady practised her aim, if so where?” This was too much for him, I thought he would collapse He pointed towards the front door with a trembling hand. I found this hard to believe. “What! In the house, had she gone mad?” I was reeling with confusion and anger. Somehow, I gathered my senses And shaking the man I asked, “how many shots did you hear?” He fumbled with his fingers, showing me first ten followed by…
It is oft said knowledge is power. Then why was I so weak? To speak to me you would not guess The mess I am in. “To hell with you all” I shout, but I am spent, A force no longer But I grow stronger At least in head. My mind was heaven sent, It cannot be wasted. I tasted the fruits of life, They were bitter To my tongue. Perhaps I do not belong To this world or another.
I hate myself. The contempt I feel seems so unreal; The pathways in my head Lead nowhere. Perhaps I was unaware, Side swiped by confusion, The delusion Is dead. I want, I want so much But greed leaves me empty. I know, I know I can crow about wealth, But your stealth Took my soul. I do not regret Nor will I forget. I do not hate, No malice lives therein. Can I begin? Is it such a sin To be doleful.
Narcissistic, solipsistic words. But the turds Run freely as they gallop Over the page. I am lost in mindless temperament, But is was not meant To be this way. I don’t feel sorry for myself, But I must stop drinking If only for my health; My brain intact I forget what dictated my past. We are products of lost memories. Can I unfold the distance? Extract the truth, your disguise Beguiles me, And brings me to a child like state of wonder. I plunder the depths of my imagination But stagnation leaves me With total degradation. This will not pass easy Surely please me with a reply.
My head plays tricks. I get my kicks From alcohol And dope. But I just hope There is no rope Waiting at the end. I surely need a friend, But I was round the bend. I say this in all candour, But the rancour I received Left me aggrieved. As Wilde said “reveal yourself to the world, and it will reveal itself to you” No truer word spoken. A mere token As I stand here.
A stupid question, It has no solution, Then what of feelings? They are ten a penny. All the buggers on earth have many. Look, look. What do you see? I see the awfulness of humanity. Does it have to be this way? I come in, is it such a sin? Sup with the devil, Take a long spoon. I think you are acting Like a fool. There is not much room in here. My previous question left unanswered. I cannot say, You ask too much. Her cold touch Told me to delay; But her grip Was firm and sure. Perhaps there was a cure For all the insanity.
“He is in room three sir, but sir?” “What man?” “See for yourself. There is something not right about him” I entered the room. He did not even look up. Instead a tired laugh, smoking a cigarette. “This is a no smoking zone” “Are you going to charge with that too?” “I guess not. Do you know why you were brought in here?” “I have no fucking idea” “Don’t swear at me!” “I speak as I like” Then his eyes opened, Full of darkness, No contrition, No remorse, A criminal. He stared me down, I looked away. I let him go of course, You can't control the devil He is definitely a force.
Do you have an idea in your head, Or does emotion spread? Your mind Like butter. You are not blind, Do not stutter. You have not signed off yet, No regret. Can I mutter the words as set? The filth I talk Brings the fuckers out to gawk. I will always show due respect, Just don’t expect A happy land.
When strange People go out Of your range You cannot grow to know them Or show them. This is not the stage; Real life is for living, They don’t go off the page. What are you reading now? I think this is a better gauge.
Seems we never can escape drudgery because it's the most prolific and welcomed comfort, despite hating it. No snuffing out please, life is hard enough sometimes and negativity only serves miserable people who hold you back with promises they can't possibly keep. Shame but true. “Hello everyone, my name is Steve and I am an alcoholic” “Hi” the assembled room would say “I think it was chronic, I sure had to pay” I then had their attention, They had heard it all before; My story, a bit different Because I wasn’t poor. I can entertain a crowd, Even raise the roof, But I never lied, Just didn’t speak the truth. Life growing up was hard enough, I see from your faces, you found it tough I will not dissemble any more, I find all this a fucking bore.
Every body hurts, Every body cries. Some bleed, Denying tears That fall. They will not wipe away Accept, accept! Maybe tomorrow If you try. Defy the odds. There is a need in you Not managed by silk shirts Or ties. Fast cars, Large houses; You know that will not do. “leave me alone!” I said “I know what I have done” Do you, do you really? Do you really know? I can show you Take my hand.
Put it in a blender, Drink it down Go on, go on! How was that? I did not like the taste But the frown upon my face Told all. The appalling silence, Deafening. But we were in a race. Competitors. What where the spoils? Nothing I may trace, But I found the prize; She was not for winning. What a fucking futile exercise, The coils of death leave no space, Come with me I return to sender.