The hour is dark. Your door was open, I flew in. I have a message for you. You are much bigger than I thought, A stark reminder. Memory is imperfect. And don’t forget your childhood, It plays out like a film you stood And watched. How did it end? I can't remember, Let's switch this around. Were you happy or sad? I despise both emotions. But you can be hurt? This took some time Explosions in my head Cascading like some unspoken dread.
I went outside And cried. His imperious look Took me off my stride. What are you doing here? Nothing, I promise. You compromise yourself At every move. This is my night Remove your person Unless you would kill with me? I am not certain You can.
I watched the river closely. While it always followed the same path On its way to meet the sea, You could never say it was the same river You looked at only moments ago. The water had moved on and There was always a random pattern To its surface as it passed by the bank and over the rocks. Nothing repeated, all was change. Each second another event, A constant state of flux. Looking on, I suddenly felt heavy And inert and I told myself I must learn from the river and flow. Thoughts meandered through my head Like cigarette smoke caught in sunlight, Insubstantial and lost to the air. The river was calling. I rose up and began to wade into the water. The current was strong and I felt the power As it carried me off my feet, And so I floated, cradled by its might And I heard a voice saying “come with me, I have something show you”. The voice was not mine, The thoughts were not mine For I had left thinking on the river bank. All things in this world talk, But one must listen carefully as some only whisper. I was not curious about the promised revelation the river had made. I trusted implicitly and replied “so it must be”. Presently the river took me by a dense forest. One tree stood out, some of its roots Exposed by the very action of the flowing river, Undermining its grasp of the world. The wind caused its leaves to flutter And I heard it whisper and I found myself standing before it. It was massive and ancient and I felt humbled. “Get up off your knees, your piety does not cut it with me” The tree said angrily, then added, Quite gently “how can I help you?” “I am looking for something tree” “Well, aren’t we all? Not bad, a legitimate enquiry, But it has dangers”. He fell silent. The wind gathered up and he spoke again. “ The river comes to a fork, It is very important you listen carefully now. One way leads to oblivion, the other, Peace and happiness. The big…
How did you feel? Rejected, neglected? I am not sure, I hurt my back I guess. We are not talking of the physical, Your issues are mental; You think I am insane? No, no, calm down, We don’t make judgements. Then why are we here? You are the one in the straight jacket. I don’t believe what they say about you, I think we could use you. Forget CIA or MI5, We need deep cover And you are the best. Get it off your chest, Your journey is rare Dare I say, unique. Release me. No, you are a dangerous violent man. I never harmed anyone. We looked in your head Now, will you work with us? If I can. I said forget about the woman. But I fell in love. Then fall out! The equation balances, Your chance is overcome By impossible expectations. Maybe that’s the explanation For your serial failure In these situations. Pay no heed, That’s not why you are here; You have heightened Senses, More animal than man. So what am I? You decide, We don’t care, But there is something in you That collides. Like a planet or some shit? Much much bigger, Here's a gun, pull the trigger. I would never do that. I hear you snigger. You can see the rage I am in so don’t tempt me, Don’t exempt the possibility.
I found myself strapped to a gurney. Why am I here? He spurned my question, waved it away. We have taken samples. Samples of what? Everything you’ve got. Did you find anything? Nothing springs to mind. Except, except Your blood type we cannot find. What? What? This is serious, Its mixed with something mysterious. We have never seen the like before. I think you are a hybrid. Maybe that’s why you can't score. This is not about sex. I state it plain and simple kid: You are alien We tolerate you Mike down!
I saw him in a tree. His sinew tail hung down. I looked at him, And he at me. His eyes so black, Teeth dripping with blood. Sorry, I have just eaten. What fare? If you must know A knight over there. How did he die? I don’t really care This is all wrong! Just the song of life, You look for complex answers To simple questions. I can feed on a corpse. Well good for you. No, child stew on this.
I am a rat, treated as vermin No ermine coat here. Speak with the cat He is pleasurable And pleasure seeking. But I tell you this He can kill. Not for any reward, Just coz he can. He walked by, I gave a sigh of relief. You are beautiful He said, I know. Is the arrogance misplaced, Stroke me, see for yourself. That’s wonderful, The fur you have is most enticing, Your eyes, so large and engaging. Did you see my claws? No I said I keep them hidden Unless, of course, you threaten. Why would I do that? He laughed, You would be surprised, Talk to the woman, She can tell you more. I gave the cat one last stroke Said I loved him. He replied, I know. I could not believe the arrogance of the bloke. I went in search for her. She appeared Under mysterious moonlight; Her obvious beauty could stop the heart of any man, Not mine. She wore all white, Defining every contour, Her hair was rich and dark. I just wanted to touch. Steady boy, you expect too much, But I thought You thought wrong! I am not here for your pleasure. The measure of man Is in his soul and kindness to all creatures Until you show me that Keep it in your pants!
I met you in a bar, I think it was Hanks. We went over the road And after several drinks In a club called Stallones We snogged on the stairs. The girl I was with was rightly cross I felt no loss. The taste remained. Instinct took over And over again. It left no stain Love leaves nothing behind. Sorry about that, but love strikes like lightening. Are you frightened by that? It means loss of control. I struggle to deal. Do you have no role? How should I play it? Lets see it unfold The play is not told, But the reveal Will leave you cold.
I sit back and look back At the anger within me. I feel this way Every day, But I spit when I curse. If the verse Doesn’t fit Who gives a shit? Only me. But the rhyme must have chime Like a church bell Spell it out for me. You want a lexicon? We don’t have time.
You are the only confident I trust in this matter. Don’t shatter my dream And splatter it over the floor. The door is open. Do you have any idea What I fear? Surely not My dystopian view May come true Until then I will be guided by you.
The pattern of your behaviour Plays like a broken record, There is no saviour Just you, You and you alone. Are we in accord? Yes. Good! This really won't do. I could kill you But you will not. I know what's in you And what you don't.
How to begin this? I know, he is not taking the piss, He wants a conclusion To the confusion In his head. Shake hands with me; The cold diffusion Of his grip Stripped me. I saw his face; No trace of emotion. I want no commotion. Believe me there will be some, Come with me And by the way Happy birthday.
Many have been written, I see them all as folly. I lack the prerequisite to dolly daydream; No peace lies therein. Pursue the truth and begin Again. This is no template for peace, Give me some grace. I am but a novice, I care not, a familiar refrain. Your childish pleas mean nothing! I don’t disdain your character or sense of place But you are one fucked up dude. I don’t wish to be rude. Tell me something I don’t know. You can't face the truth of yourself.
Dreams come unbidden. Hidden and unguarded thoughts Taught with expectation. Revelation of the inner soul? Perhaps. I rode my horse hard, back to the house, Bringing forth snorts of protest from the beast. My anger at that infernal woman beat heavy in my breast. I would have it out with her once and for all and bugger the outcome. The sarcastic smile, the withering look that cut like a rapier. The stony silence when spoken to I would have no more of. I had come to hate what once I cherished so, so dearly. I flew through the gates, dismounted, Handing the animal over to the stable lad. He looked a little nervous. I paid him no heed. I stormed up to the front doors to be met By a panicked footman. “What’s the matter man?” “Sir, sir take great care” he was almost in tears. “The lady has armed herself and Has told the servants she means to kill you” he blubbered. “Armed with what?” I asked “y..y…, your duelling pistols sir” he stammered in his frenzy. I began to regret the night I showed her how to load them. We had played a game pretending to be highway men, Chasing each other round the house in eye masks and tricorn hats. The winner was the one able to sneak up And press the muzzle against the others back without detection. She, being so light on her feet, pressed home her advantage, Winning to her obvious delight. I revealed the secrets Of the firearm to her and later she revealed her secrets to me. Happier days. That it should come to this. I held the cowering footman by the shoulders. “Has the lady practised her aim, if so where?” This was too much for him, I thought he would collapse He pointed towards the front door with a trembling hand. I found this hard to believe. “What! In the house, had she gone mad?” I was reeling with confusion and anger. Somehow, I gathered my senses And shaking the man I asked, “how many shots did you hear?” He fumbled with his fingers, showing me first ten followed by…
It is oft said knowledge is power. Then why was I so weak? To speak to me you would not guess The mess I am in. “To hell with you all” I shout, but I am spent, A force no longer But I grow stronger At least in head. My mind was heaven sent, It cannot be wasted. I tasted the fruits of life, They were bitter To my tongue. Perhaps I do not belong To this world or another.
I hate myself. The contempt I feel seems so unreal; The pathways in my head Lead nowhere. Perhaps I was unaware, Side swiped by confusion, The delusion Is dead. I want, I want so much But greed leaves me empty. I know, I know I can crow about wealth, But your stealth Took my soul. I do not regret Nor will I forget. I do not hate, No malice lives therein. Can I begin? Is it such a sin To be doleful.
They lack defences And leave a man reeling. He walks alone And stealing The glance Per chance She would look at him. He does not care Yet bears his soul To the world. Why you may ask? That is his task. Do not revel in the knowledge You have gained. I refrained From saying all.
Narcissistic, solipsistic words. But the turds Run freely as they gallop Over the page. I am lost in mindless temperament, But is was not meant To be this way. I don’t feel sorry for myself, But I must stop drinking If only for my health; My brain intact I forget what dictated my past. We are products of lost memories. Can I unfold the distance? Extract the truth, your disguise Beguiles me, And brings me to a child like state of wonder. I plunder the depths of my imagination But stagnation leaves me With total degradation. This will not pass easy Surely please me with a reply.
My head plays tricks. I get my kicks From alcohol And dope. But I just hope There is no rope Waiting at the end. I surely need a friend, But I was round the bend. I say this in all candour, But the rancour I received Left me aggrieved. As Wilde said “reveal yourself to the world, and it will reveal itself to you” No truer word spoken. A mere token As I stand here.
I loved you like no other can, But I am not a man. I have a dick to prove it, That was just a scam. When you fall from grace That is his taste In humour. So I live as I am; Tortured by what might have been. Can I come clean? There is no place for pity, This seems too obscene. My life is shitty, But you know what I mean.
A stupid question, It has no solution, Then what of feelings? They are ten a penny. All the buggers on earth have many. Look, look. What do you see? I see the awfulness of humanity. Does it have to be this way? I come in, is it such a sin? Sup with the devil, Take a long spoon. I think you are acting Like a fool. There is not much room in here. My previous question left unanswered. I cannot say, You ask too much. Her cold touch Told me to delay; But her grip Was firm and sure. Perhaps there was a cure For all the insanity.