I searched for such a long time. Was the hope of love fading Like the closing of the day? Or had it just begun, A fire that cannot die. I had been in love before, But never like this. One rapturous kiss Immediate connection. We had never met. And without explanation. All my thinking Meant nothing In the moments we shared. The tingle down my spine So much, so much I wanted her to be mine.
I took refuge In your heart. From a world That sometimes didn’t get me Or simply couldn’t see What I was all about. No matter how I shouted, I was never heard, So I didn’t speak a word, But now I have a voice. This was all my choice And I came back Full knowing what I lack. Trying to do better. What it took, no matter. I don’t take this for granted. Hard fought, but what I wanted. The life I left behind Now memory But has a haunting melody. A sirens call cross oceans vast, So I am now tied to the mast.
A half light. Neither morning or night Fills my room. Thoughts come unbidden And ideas hidden In the recess of my mind. Now free, They wander, Wraith like. Ephemeral, formless Often incoherent. But sometimes, sometimes They stick, take shape And remain. They drag me from my bed Once again To the page.
Even when I got sober I knew it was over. You didn’t have to go Behind my back. I would have understood. I wondered how you could, But that’s enough of that. Your not coming back, That’s just a fact. I wear it like a shirt I once had. So I bought new clothes, Getting ready to move on. Leave the past a memory Of what we once had, But now its all gone. You say your guys amazing, He aint crazy like me, If you just wanted normality I guess you got it. Our love was now broken, Just like the token promise I would never use again, But you think I will. So I walk and walk And the sun beats down. The air shimmers before me And all sound fades away, While the street closes in And I try to begin. Words drip from my pen Like the blood ink within, But where do they end?
I cant hear the beat of drums, But the silence always hums From the graveyard full of tombs. Where the patient dead lie Awaiting resurrection, why? The countless hopes that always die,. But the loop plays on, Long after the parties gone, And way beyond. You got the questions, I got the lies. Tell me what you know, How do feelings grow? Now give me a show Of the mundanity, The banality, The whispering finality. So soft, words barely spoken. Now memories are brocken. And my heart has awoken. You ask the questions, I tell the lies.
She was more than lips and eyes, A certain sadness perhaps I could repair, But our exchange on the stair Told of something else. She didn’t need me. Yes, she had a comic book beauty. To want a woman so much Hurts the guts. She sticks in the mind, Draws you in, You’re not sure Where it begins. Looking for a reason, But you don’t know why, She had you down to a”T”. You think you’re smart, But you just know more tricks than me. What a prick you were, And I can be objective, Irrespective of consequence. She loved you! What was wrong with you? Where you waiting for something else? You barely knew yourself? But now you know, A seed planted Will always grow.
Would you have me dancing with no one? No communication, or emotion. Beauty repeats like flowers in spring. I have only one thing In mind. A kind expression, And so it grows From there. Once the bareness Of despair. The shoots of hope, Happiness and love Spring through. These I pursue With every fibre.
Magnify, sanctify, Hallowed be thy name. Did you stand beside me, As I looked for fame? No one held my hand, So I am just the same. I came asking, Now I take the shame. You came looking for me, But you have no claim. So many moons have gone. I see them wax and wane, But truth, truth, Not hard to explain. My duty to memory, Always remains.
Sordid details won't go away. Try to kill them, But they stay. You can't run and hide, They hunt you down. You never lied. I know you tried. Now its all gone. What of his poor son? I will not get derailed By this again. Enough, now it's done.
The facts, I cannot take away. Take you on a holiday. We go bohemian, For a while. You say I am out of style, But don’t detract from, My smile. I act like a child, I know, But it drives you wild, Pro bono.
Development arrested, But tested, To the limit. I could never be a man, Just a child, Inside. Some women thought me handsome, But the ransom, Once paid, Always brought rejection. Overlaid, With fear, Self doubt. My heart is open, Tell me what you see, A man or child?, Or the monstrosity, I became, To be?
You don’t get confused, By the body of Christ, And so I rise. Three days, Just to look at you, I don’t want to lose. I choose my moment, So specifically, I don’t judge. Romance, I will not comment.
Thoughts whisper, Through his mind. The air feels strange. The room so quiet, And so he stares. Hacks around ideas, He doesn’t like. Pages on the floor, Only fit for fire. Takes another look. Is there any pattern here? Gets up from the sofa. Wades through reams of paper. Sees himself in the mirror. Gaunt, haggard, thin, Not slept in days. A ghost looks back at him, So he turns away. Try’s to write again.
The ruptured structure, Of our lives, Denies, The truth. If you want proof, A heart so broken Can't be put back together, Unless someone, Picks it up, Walks with it, Runs with it, To fields of rapture.
Happiness, step on my mind. Take liberties, Where I find, But not with you. Stew me out, I can handle it. Show me the door, As I kiss you, J'adore. I got more, Than this. Don’t take the piss. So, took a trip to Palestine, When I kind of lost my mind. I saw hatred, Bite the hook, Take a look, It really sucks. I don’t rhyme for pleasure, But political rhetoric, In equal strength and measure. Kodachrome, black and white, All magic in the neon home.
No idea where I take this don’t want to share. Mental illness, Is not a disease, But please me, Don’t walk away, From me Sometimes I think stoically, You can burn the past. It won't last. Will always bite you in the ass. Memories forgiven, Driven by, What you think you did. You did nothing.
Poetry, Is not ballet. Daggers drawn, Before the dawn Appears. No choreography, Here. If you really want, You will pay in tears. We measure, Each one. Seems you are debit, My son. Begone! No, stop. Listen. You can get this done, And when it’s all gone, Just an afterthought, As if life taught, Nothing.
Never deny Who you are What you did Or said. Unreliable voices in the head. Take care I am here You are there But together We turn fear Into friend Look back Was it ever Really there? Stories don’t end But new chapters Just beginning.
You keep your distance, Its hard to explain, But I won't complain, Just give me a chance. I really don’t care, Actually I do. Perhaps I am untrue, Maybe I am a liar. I have no defence, Total transparency. That I see with clarity, Is no recompense. Not asking for trust, Please watch me. I think you will see, I do what I must.
Structure imposed, On the structureless. Meaning imposed, On the meaningless. The beauty of chaos, And the pointless, Juxtaposed. Reality paper thin. Trying to make sense, Where do I begin? Will someone ask, What’s going on? They don’t know, So I run, And jump the fence, Where will I land? At least I’ve gone. Forget the past. The time that spanned, And look ahead. Do what must be done.
Listen well in quiet rooms, There maybe something there. Speak soft amidst the noise of crowds, And your voice will be heard. Act when others do not dare, They are full of doubt and fear. Be generous when you have no more, And others do not care. Be free with love, And do not seek reward. Ask for less than you deserved, All of this will show The strength and quality, Of your own, Humanity.