Blood Fuelled Passion

Dreams come unbidden. Hidden and unguarded thoughts Taught with expectation. Revelation of the inner soul? Perhaps. I rode my horse hard, back to the house, Bringing forth snorts of protest from the beast. My anger at that infernal woman beat heavy in my breast. I would have it out with her once and for all and bugger the outcome. The sarcastic smile, the withering look that cut like a rapier. The stony silence when spoken to I would have no more of. I had come to hate what once I cherished so, so dearly. I flew through the gates, dismounted, Handing the animal over to the stable lad. He looked a little nervous. I paid him no heed. I stormed up to the front doors to be met By a panicked footman. “What’s the matter man?” “Sir, sir take great care” he was almost in tears. “The lady has armed herself and Has told the servants she means to kill you” he blubbered. “Armed with what?” I asked “y..y…, your duelling pistols sir” he stammered in his frenzy. I began to regret the night I showed her how to load them. We had played a game pretending to be highway men, Chasing each other round the house in eye masks and tricorn hats. The winner was the one able to sneak up And press the muzzle against the others back without detection. She, being so light on her feet, pressed home her advantage, Winning to her obvious delight. I revealed the secrets Of the firearm to her and later she revealed her secrets to me. Happier days. That it should come to this. I held the cowering footman by the shoulders. “Has the lady practised her aim, if so where?” This was too much for him, I thought he would collapse He pointed towards the front door with a trembling hand. I found this hard to believe. “What! In the house, had she gone mad?” I was reeling with confusion and anger. Somehow, I gathered my senses And shaking the man I asked, “how many shots did you hear?” He fumbled with his fingers, showing me first ten followed by…

Continue ReadingBlood Fuelled Passion

The Wasted Fruit

It is oft said knowledge is power. Then why was I so weak? To speak to me you would not guess The mess I am in. “To hell with you all” I shout, but I am spent, A force no longer But I grow stronger At least in head. My mind was heaven sent, It cannot be wasted. I tasted the fruits of life, They were bitter To my tongue. Perhaps I do not belong To this world or another.

Continue ReadingThe Wasted Fruit

Infinity Path

I hate myself. The contempt I feel seems so unreal; The pathways in my head Lead nowhere. Perhaps I was unaware, Side swiped by confusion, The delusion Is dead. I want, I want so much But greed leaves me empty. I know, I know I can crow about wealth, But your stealth Took my soul. I do not regret Nor will I forget. I do not hate, No malice lives therein. Can I begin? Is it such a sin To be doleful.

Continue ReadingInfinity Path

A Watery Reflection

Narcissistic, solipsistic words. But the turds Run freely as they gallop Over the page. I am lost in mindless temperament, But is was not meant To be this way. I don’t feel sorry for myself, But I must stop drinking If only for my health; My brain intact I forget what dictated my past. We are products of lost memories. Can I unfold the distance? Extract the truth, your disguise Beguiles me, And brings me to a child like state of wonder. I plunder the depths of my imagination But stagnation leaves me With total degradation. This will not pass easy Surely please me with a reply.

Continue ReadingA Watery Reflection

The Mind

My head plays tricks. I get my kicks From alcohol And dope. But I just hope There is no rope Waiting at the end. I surely need a friend, But I was round the bend. I say this in all candour, But the rancour I received Left me aggrieved. As Wilde said “reveal yourself to the world, and it will reveal itself to you” No truer word spoken. A mere token As I stand here.

Continue ReadingThe Mind

Love and the Meaning of

A stupid question, It has no solution, Then what of feelings? They are ten a penny. All the buggers on earth have many. Look, look. What do you see? I see the awfulness of humanity. Does it have to be this way? I come in, is it such a sin? Sup with the devil, Take a long spoon. I think you are acting Like a fool. There is not much room in here. My previous question left unanswered. I cannot say, You ask too much. Her cold touch Told me to delay; But her grip Was firm and sure. Perhaps there was a cure For all the insanity.

Continue ReadingLove and the Meaning of

Transference

“He is in room three sir, but sir?” “What man?” “See for yourself. There is something not right about him” I entered the room. He did not even look up. Instead a tired laugh, smoking a cigarette. “This is a no smoking zone” “Are you going to charge with that too?” “I guess not. Do you know why you were brought in here?” “I have no fucking idea” “Don’t swear at me!” “I speak as I like” Then his eyes opened, Full of darkness, No contrition, No remorse, A criminal. He stared me down, I looked away. I let him go of course, You can't control the devil He is definitely a force.

Continue ReadingTransference

Him Again

I was wakeful, Took out fags And a bottle of wine. The sun wouldn’t shine. But if time lags I didn’t care, I had to meet his stare. I knew he was coming, I think I just should have kept on running, But I didn’t dare; The devil after me His eyes blazed with glee. I found you at last, Look, that’s all in the past But you have no future see.

Continue ReadingHim Again

Dave

My first friend At a new school, I didn’t know the rule, But I was willing to bend. He was crippled from birth; Polio was rife. He was the only kid Who would give me no grief. Did I fall in love? He had a handsome face, His shoulders broad and muscular. One day I saw him caught By Elliot, A cheeky little prick, But he ought to know The strength of the lad. I felt quite sick. "Don’t do it Dave!" As he grabbed him by the throat. He looked at me and winked; Let him fall Against the wall. Dave walked by, His calliper squeaked Then turned to me and said: "Will you always back me up?" "Sure, you are my friend" but my voice was weak, I could not find the words to say Friendship and love Friendship and love Thinner than a surgeon's glove. No one has explained to me this day. But when the kissing starts Friendship ends And the dove Flies far away.

Continue ReadingDave

Beauty

Match this. One kiss from you Brought me to a temper. I don’t remember Ever feeling this way. Loss of control, My soul taken. I did not want to fall in love, So many hearts broken, Or stolen. But you were not a thief, I treasure you. Took pleasure In the time we had But deeply, deeply sad That this is over too. Your loveliness Compounds the state I am in.

Continue ReadingBeauty

Eyes

Blue eyes hold ice But they have a hidden soul. Did I get this wrong Or are you just being nice? I confess they were attractive, Or is this just a song? I was sucked in, I didn’t have a role, A bit part in a play; Living in my own hole Of self regret. "But, but," I say this twice With a look You could slay Any man You want to get. Quiet lady, I am not finished yet. I have loved and lost, The cost I have no idea to this day But the fact that I could do it Leaves me temperamental. I ain't going mental, I was always gentle With women this way. I hurt no one But I am not sentimental Unless I get committed. This Is no time to take the piss.

Continue ReadingEyes

A A Meetings

Seems we never can escape drudgery because it's the most prolific and welcomed comfort, despite hating it. No snuffing out please, life is hard enough sometimes and negativity only serves miserable people who hold you back with promises they can't possibly keep. Shame but true. “Hello everyone, my name is Steve and I am an alcoholic” “Hi” the assembled room would say “I think it was chronic, I sure had to pay” I then had their attention, They had heard it all before; My story, a bit different Because I wasn’t poor. I can entertain a crowd, Even raise the roof, But I never lied, Just didn’t speak the truth. Life growing up was hard enough, I see from your faces, you found it tough I will not dissemble any more, I find all this a fucking bore.

Continue ReadingA A Meetings

Delusions

Every body hurts, Every body cries. Some bleed, Denying tears That fall. They will not wipe away Accept, accept! Maybe tomorrow If you try. Defy the odds. There is a need in you Not managed by silk shirts Or ties. Fast cars, Large houses; You know that will not do. “leave me alone!” I said “I know what I have done” Do you, do you really? Do you really know? I can show you Take my hand.

Continue ReadingDelusions

Pain Killer

Put it in a blender, Drink it down Go on, go on! How was that? I did not like the taste But the frown upon my face Told all. The appalling silence, Deafening. But we were in a race. Competitors. What where the spoils? Nothing I may trace, But I found the prize; She was not for winning. What a fucking futile exercise, The coils of death leave no space, Come with me I return to sender.

Continue ReadingPain Killer